Last week I spent the afternoon sitting in the leaves holding my baby boy in my arms. My heart burst with gratitude as I looked down at his huge gummy smile. Sun beams peaked through the tree branches and I was reminded of the light that I received at the end of a dark time. As I mentioned to you in this post {here}, last October was bitter sweet as it was the month I was supposed to have a brand new baby in my arms. But my baby never came. The sweet part of that month was when I discovered I was going to have this baby I hold in my arms today!
Despite the loss I experienced earlier last year- I would feel ungrateful if I didn’t express my gratitude for having the opportunity to raise two sweet little boys.
I know there are so many out there who are currently in the midst of a dark cloud and have had their share of loss and disappointment or know someone who is going through it.
My heart goes out to you.
Your comments on the previous post {here} touched me deeply and I was reminded once again to not take life and loved ones for granted. I read and re-read every single comment.
Thank you for sharing.
As we approach the holiday season- I am striving to become more aware of those who are in need and being more proactive about doing something for them. As promised, I have compiled a list of 50 ideas that you can do for someone who has experienced a loss- or is just in need of a little light in their world.
First, I wanted to highlight my personal favorites.
#1. Give a handwritten card and some soothing tea with personalized tea packets!
I think one of the most significant and simple things you can do for someone is to write them a handwritten note. How simple is that? And to save you a trip from having to go to the store- Chickabug took my love for tea cups an created cards for you to print out!
Who doesn’t love getting a love note?
That is not all! Personalize the gift by giving them tea bags with a touch of love. You can add this tag at the end of the tea string.
And then slip the tea bag into a personalized tea packet envelope!
Don’t you just love those?
You can download these sweet printables —–>HERE<—— They were designed exclusively for you by our favorite designer Chickabug. Make sure to check out her store for the cutest designs for party invitations, party favors, and more!
#2. Bring over some warm soup and the book “Tear Soup” by Pat Schwiebert.
Who doesn’t love soup?
Okay for those of you who have never heard of this book- it’s called Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After a Loss. And I just love it! Don’t think for one minute that it is only for children because it’s written for people of all ages. It takes the reader on a journey through the eyes of a person who is grieving and recognizes the individual process for each person.
The illustrated photos share a story of “Grandy” who has just experienced a loss and goes through her process of making “tear soup.” She needed a big pot to have plenty of room for all the memories, tears, and feelings she would make over time.
She teaches us that each person has their own way of making “tear soup” and that it takes a long time, sometimes longer than what other people would want.
It shares moments of a dear friend who comes over and is not afraid to take part of her soup when others may not have the time or patience.
I can’t tell you enough how I really appreciate this book and it’s metaphor and wisdom. On the closing page Grandy sits with her grandson who asks her about what she learned by making tear soup. And she replies, “I’ve learned that grief, like a pot of soup, changes the longer it simmers and the more you put into it. I’ve learned that sometimes people say unkind things, but they really don’t mean to hurt you. And most importantly, I’ve learned that there is something down deep within all of us ready to help us survive the things we think we can’t survive.”
He then asks, “Grandy, you know so much. What will I do after you die?” She responds, “Don’t worry, I will leave you my recipe for tear soup.”
I can’t read this without getting choked up and teary…so I better move on to the next…
#3. Give a Memory Journal with writing or art utensils.
I love to write and draw out how I feel. So I went searching for the perfect journal. I found Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance by Kathy Eldon and Amy Eldon Tuteltaub. In effort to not forget a loved one they lost, the authors wanted to create an “Angel Catcher” where one can record and preserve forever the memories and feelings about the person.
It’s such an amazing way to use the pages and prompts however you’d like to remember the memories of a loved one.
It has a place to keep photographs.
And I just love the prompts they have for you to trigger thoughts and memories.
“I love you.”
“I will always remember how you…”
“When I eat____ I think of you”
“You always laughed when I…”
“Right now I can imagine you are smiling because”
“I never want to forget how you…”
It also addresses anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays.
“Today is your birthday. You would have been____ years old.”
Pretty cool huh?
Now these three are not the only ones I came up with- other gifts on my list are:
#4. A basket of fresh produce from your local farmers market or garden
#5. A gift certificate to a massage or Spa
#6. A goodie basket full of chocolate of their favorite treats
#7. A Candle with a delicious scent
#8. A CD of music
#9. A tree or potted plant
#10. A framed photo of the person they lost
#11. An essential oil that is relaxing such as lavender
#12. Packet of seeds or bulbs to plant
#13. A basket of art supplies and a sketchbook
#14. Jewelry that symbolizes their loved one
#15. A memory Box
Besides giving a gift you can serve them by…
#16. Stocking their house with paper plates, napkins, toilet paper, plastic cutlery, etc. so they don’t have to do dishes
#17. Writing a favorite memory of the person who passed away
#18. Offering to contact anyone they would like to share the news of their loss with
#19. Watching their children
#20. Creating a Photo book with memories of that person
#21. Preparing frozen dinners
#22. Offering hugs
#23. Taking care of their pets
#24. Cleaning their house
#25. Mowing their lawn
#26. Running their errands
#27. Washing their car
#28. Making an audio or video recording of memories of the person
#29. Inviting them to lunch
#30. Doing their Grocery Shopping
#31. Inviting them on a walk
#32. Inviting them to a movie
#33. Sharing an enjoyable activity (craft project, game, yoga, etc.)
#34. Doing their laundry
#35. Shovel their driveway
#36. Taking over carpool duty
#37. Weeding the garden
#38. Baking bread or muffins
#39. Bringing an ice chest full of drinks to give to visitors
#40. Listen.
#41. Going with them to the cemetery
#42. Remembering and celebrating important dates such as birthdays or mother’s day
#43. Bringing in their mail
#44. Driving them to wherever they need to go
#45. Writing notes to their loved one and attaching them to balloons and letting them go
#46. Inviting them over for dinner
#47. Cutting fresh flowers from your garden
#48. Making them a homemade craft
#49. Paying their bills
#50. Calling them weeks and months after the loss
Wow! That just goes to show how much there is that we can do for a person who is in need. It doesn’t mean that we are going to take away their pain- but we can provide just a ray of sunshine and hope into their day and we go into this holiday season.
Do you have an idea that I missed?
Please share your comments! I love reading and responding to your thoughts!
xo
Find of me at: weedstowishes.com
Tracu says
THANK YOU!! Wonderful suggestions on helping those you love deal with their grief. Your insight is inspired!
cristi says
Tracu-So glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Christie says
Thank you so much for posting this. I recently lost my mom and am having a really hard time dealing especially with the holidays coming up. I am not ready to go to a grief counselor and have been looking for ways to express just how much I miss her. The Angel Catcher journal is exactly what I need right now. I am also curious about Tear Soup but I am not sure if I could read it right now considering I am teary just glancing at the post! Just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your posts about grieving because many people are uncomfortable with those who are going through loss. I find often others don’t know what to say or do for me and I think that putting out things like this are such a help for others who haven’t experienced loss and want to help others through it. I have found that most of your support happens right after the loss and weeks later you feel alone when your trying to figure out how to move on.
Christie
Cristi says
Christie-
I am so sorry for your loss. 🙁
I just love the angel catcher journal and hope and pray you begin to find comfort through writing down your memories.
You are so right about most people remembering the loss shortly after but not realizing the journey it is. Take your time and grieve! Hugs sent your way!
veronica Almeida says
Thanks for your sweet post. I am doing dinner tonight for a couple who moved in next door last week because I am sure they would appreciate a break.
cristi says
Glad you enjoyed it!
darlene says
I love the printables! What a perfect idea. I love that Angel Catcher journal. What a great way to write down your thoughts and memories. Thanks Cristi!
cristi says
I love that journal as we;l! Let me know how the printables go for you!
T. girl says
Hey, just wanted to say that a friend of mine is going through a rough time right now trying to heal from a terrible loss. I try to send her thoughtful “I’m thinking about you” letters and emails but I never get a response. Should I stop sending her these? I don’t want to hurt her more then help her. Any thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks!
Cristi says
I don’t think you can hurt anyone by letting them know you are thinking of them. I am sure they will contact you when they are ready. Sometimes it takes time to feel up to talking or responding back- but that doesn’t mean you reaching out is not appreciated. Keep being a supportive friend!
Sharon says
Thanks for the great post.. I was widowed totally unexpectedly 2 months ago and it has been the most awful thing that has ever happened to me. This is such a positive response to such a difficult life event.. I really appreciate what you have done. In this country we really don’t talk about death and grieving, we want to smooth things over and as one poster so ably put it “Go on to the next big thing”. Giving willing people a little guidance is so very helpful. Once you have gone through the awfulness yourself, you get it, but until it happens to you, you tend to be mostly clueless.
Cristi says
Sharon- I am so sad to hear of your loss. I can’t even imagine what a shock that must have been and still is.
You are so right- unless you have gone through it or had someone really close go through it- you really don’t know how to respond. I know there have been times that I wish I knew what to do. Thanks for your thoughts!
jean says
One thing I enjoyed receiving when I lost my loved ones were poems. There were a couple of special ones which I laminated and carry in my wallet. There are endless poems on the internet it is easy to find the perfect one. My all time favourite is “A Reflection of Your Smile.” It is a beautiful poem for those who have lost their mom. There are many poems of hope…of comfort…and encouragement that I am sure will be comfort to the person who receives them.
cristi says
Jean- great idea! Poems can be a beautiful way to express how you feel!
Debbie says
Thank you for this article on 50 ways to help someone overcome loss. My brother died 3 1/2 years ago, and my parents are still having an incredibly difficult time. I’m going to get them the Tear soup book, the Angel Catcher journal and incorporate many of your other ideas into use.
cristi says
So glad! Let us know how it goes!
Deanna says
I was introduced to the Tear Soup book after the loss of my Sister-In-Law, Linda.. It is one of the most amazing tools to help with grief that I have ever seen. I worked with those dealing with loss for many years. And our family has had more than our fair share of loss. However, after the loss of Linda, I sought out a grief recovery group. I know that it was helpful – but the BEST tool I took from it was this book. When a friend experiences a loss, after asking their permission, I love the opportunity to send this book to them. It validates the process of grief as well as how differently we all grieve. That was so important for me. To be reminded that my grief would be experienced only as I could experience it and that other family members would have their own ways and experiences. Thank you so much for bringing this book to the world through your blog!
cristi says
Deanna- Isn’t this book awesome? I am glad to hear that you found comfort from it!
Jody says
Very poignant! Thank you for the lovely ideas. I am so happy things are better! I am pinning this to my random acts of kindness board!
cristi says
Yes! Glad you are sharing with others! 🙂
sandee says
Tracu thanks for writing about grief I just want to tell you that just over a year ago I lost my assistant dog from cancer no one understood grief is grief I was told to just get over it its a dog but K was my life she filled every moment of everyday with her boundless joy A dear friend sent me a card on the anniversary of her passing you know people forget after every goes home that the grieving continues it just doesn’t stop [even if its ‘only a dog]’ my friend validated my grieving even tho now I have another assistant dog K will never be forgiven [yes that was her name and how it was spelt K ]
christine says
Hi there, I went thru my email just now and clicked on the artile about Angel Catcher. I recently lost my mom this past August. She was my best friend, my idol I looked up to. she was also my protector she has ears to listen where as I have a hearing loss since birth. We were like Thelma and Louise. Im glad I clicked on this article. I am dealing with loss of my mom. I went to grieft group but have not gone back there yet. My mother’s birthday on Nov. 2nd was really hard on me and as the holidays coming up. I am struggling it. People tell me that I will be ok but I will not. Ilove my mommy so much. I will like to order the book to read. It’s going to take a long time for me to heal., I am grieving. I already lost two grandmothers and one cousin last August of 2012. But thank you for sharing the information about the tips with the healing Heart. I am thinking about try out for th eblogger but I do not how to sign up or create a blog about my mom. anyway thank you! Sorry for the long email I was crying as I was reading and typing the comment
Tamra Litz says
Cristi,
What a wonderful, helpful post. I am involved with an “acts of kindness” group called “Heartworks OC” where we meet once a month to connect and also to share opportunities to do something thoughtful to people in our neighborhood or community who are experiencing a difficult time or loss. It may be as simple as flowers, gas cards, grocery cards, or something more tangible as a hospital visit, or meals. I posted this link to our Advisory Board page to help us come up with ideas, in fact I just ordered both book suggestions which will be gifted this month. Thank you so very much.
Sincerely,
Tamra Litz
Cristi Dame says
Tamra- What a wonderful group you are involved in! You don’t know how happy it makes me to know that it is being used in some way to help someone else. That is the reason I wrote it. Thank you so much for passing it along and making a difference in someone’s life!
Angela says
I really love your list because all too often we do nothing because we don’t know what to do and anything is better than nothing.
My Dad passed away in 2009 and I think of him and miss him every day so when i just heard my friend lost her Dad I decided to do something different.
I’m giving her a sky lantern to set into the sky in remembrance of him with this verse attached:
“To mark a special memory
or just to say ‘goodbye’
you won’t need any big excuse
nor any reason why
Just light a candle, say a prayer
and let the lantern fly
and remembering your loved one
watch it float into the sky.”