After a particularly busy day of momming pretty hard, I sat down to replay the day over in my mind. I was pretty proud of myself. I’d successfully pulled together a breakfast for six with only a fourth a gallon of milk and three slices of bread. That’s practically miracle status. I managed to make hubby’s lunch with two minutes to spare and then wrestled four kids into the car. The library books were returned with only a minimal late fee. I navigated the grocery store with four kids, balancing one on my hip while pushing a full cart, and even remembered the milk! The paycheck made it to the bank just in time for the bills to come out and in all, I felt triumphant! But one thing left me confused.
Three separate times during my brisk transit I was honked at. Each honk felt angry and one even came with hand gestures. I didn’t get it. What was up with people today? Did they skip their morning coffee or forget to sugar their breakfast cereal? Because the alternative meant I was a bad driver and that couldn’t be true. I had a state of Idaho driver’s education under my belt—that’s some quality shiz right there.
5 Reasons Minivan Moms Are Crazy Drivers
Minivan moms all over the world get a bad rap. You see their shiny vans whipping into parking stalls, cutting off other drivers as they swiftly change lanes, and zipping up to soccer fields while dozens of kids and soccer balls spill out.
We all know the minivan mom and have seen her in action. But before you go judging her and honking at her, try understanding her. Here are a few reasons minivan moms are crazy drivers.
1. They’ve got a car full of cavemen in the back seat.
Yelling, grunting, screaming, hitting—children really are like cavemen, especially when they’re crammed into tight quarters together. If you see a mom driving around like a crazy person, it’s probably because she has half a dozen little cavemen in her back seat punching each other, pulling hair, and grunting loudly at every McDonald’s sign they pass.
2. Someone’s always dropping something they need right now or they’ll die.
If you ever witness a minivan swerve off road a little bit, it’s not because mom’s falling asleep at the wheel. It’s actually quite the opposite—she’s at the top of her game.
Kids are always dropping something vital to their survival like their favorite teddy bear or sippy cup. 99% of the time, a swerving minivan is really just a mom grabbing a sippy cup and throwing a Hail Mary to the back seat.
3. There are five places to be at once.
Minivan moms tear up your local streets because they literally have multiple places to be at once. Don’t take their quick cut-offs personally; they just need to have little Johnny to Tae Kwon Do on one end of town and then have little Suzy to piano lessons two minutes later on the other.
4. Sometimes they need a break check.
If you’re a mom of multiple cavemen previously mentioned, then you know that sometimes the only way to get those cavemen’s attention is with a quick break check. What you see as a crazy mom slamming on her breaks is actually a very effective reality check for her kids in the back seat.
5. That gas pedal is like a stress ball.
An overworked business person gets a stress ball in his cubicle to squish when feeling anxious. A mom gets a gas pedal in her minivan. A minivan mom might be rocketing past the speed limit and not even know she’s doing it! When you get in the car, that gas pedal is like a stress ball and you take out all of your frustrations on it.
So cut the minivan mom some slack and don’t make her day any harder by honking at her. Just know that her day will come when a younger, more flustered minivan mom will cut her off and Karma will be served.
*Update: although this article is my light-hearted take on what moms deal with behind the wheel, we 100% advocate for safe driving, especially when there are children in your car. Read more about the #ItCanWait campaign we are joining forces with. When you are behind the wheel, no matter what car you drive or who is in the back seat, please make safety your top priority.
Bethany A. says
Lots of truth there. It’s funny though, my issue with minivan drivers is 99% of the time they’re too Sloooow and don’t get out of the way….not too fast. Haha!
Heather Linko says
Funny. Enjoyed the article. But, Cars have brakes. Moms need a break. 🙂
Jess says
As a bus driver with 72 children I’m responsible for at once, please teach your children how to ride safely. I see a crazy amount of kids out of seat belts let alone car seats in their own mini vans driving through the parent drop off lane. Safety starts with the parents. Have car rules too. Teach children that not everything has to be addressed right away when driving. I get children walking up to grab a tissue while I’m driving. Really??? Just like the distraction of a cell phone children need to learn when we’re on the road driving safely comes first. If not for the passengers but the other people on the road. Lead by example. Someday they’ll be on the road.
Kim says
This article made me laugh, but I’d totally my life;) enjoyed it!
Vicki says
I understand, I was a minivan driving mom….but it really doesn’t excuse dangerous driving, ESPECIALLY with a half dozen kids in the car.
ANNA says
After just getting a new minivan, after just getting hit in my other mini van (100% the other person’s fault as she t-boned me on my straight way as she tried to turn left from a shopping mall drive way that was not at an intersection), this is both funny and stressful for me. Several years ago, before my mini van, in my mini SUV, I grabbed back for a water bottle from a child who would not relent that I take it from him. I very gently bumped the car in front of me and put a screw sized hole from the screw of my license plate in her bumper. Big wake up call! That could have been so much worse! 2 years ago a friend of mine’s daughter was driving home from a long trip with her whole family in the car (2 small children and her husband). She was driving and handing and taking things to/from her little ones in the back seat. She turned her body back to drive and found she had veered toward the median; she over corrected and flipped the car. She died:(. Her husband was in the hospital for couple of months. Her children were pretty banged up, but faired better than their parents. Distracted driving is more than just cell phone usage. It’s mom’s who think they need to deal with the kid while they are driving. I have to remind myself all day long! It’s very stressful right now because I’m just still so scared to even be on the road, but traffic seems even worse in SoCal right now to me! But, even though my kids are 10 and 12, I don’t feel like anything has changed! They still want me to look at something, take something, give something or they fight behind me. Now, however, I tell them much more often that they need to wait. It’s just not worth the accident and, even if we are late or I have to pull over, it’s worth it. I also take about 3 times the amount of time to change lanes, park, etc. It’s just not worth it to me anymore. I’m trying to be much more present in my driving and letting my spoiled kids just deal with it. My son, 12, will now tell my daughter, “Just wait, mom’s driving!” as, like today, she wanted me to look back at the picture in the yearbook they just got today. So, he at least gets that;). But, he’s also usually the one taunting her to start a fight, lol;). So, I totally get where this mom is coming from. But, truly, its no laughing matter. It’s really dangerous with our most valuable possessions in the car. So, for me, I just try to remember #ItCanWait.
Nicolette says
Thanks Anna, you bring up some completely valid and important points! Although this article is meant to be a light-hearted take on what moms deal with behind the wheel, I 100% agree that safety is first and foremost. Always. #ItCanWait and those little humans in your back seat are the most precious things. It is our job to protect them–as well as other children in other cars–and be safe drivers. Thanks for humoring me and my facetiousness and thank you for sharing these wise words.
Cassie says
This article did make me laugh. I have thought some of these things when I see a mini-van mom. But, I do want to echo a couple of other comments…. Whether the speed is too slow or too fast, hesitant turns or cutting someone off turns, most of the drivers are actually not being safe. The traffic doesn’t care about the rolling around sippy cup, they care about not rear-ending someone or doing even worse. As a mom of two, and a care giver of more (whom do get placed in my vehicle at times) any child can wait. I get it, the crying in the back is quite jarring. But as a parent, it is an unstated rule that you need to tolerate it, or pull into a parking lot. I don’t agree with asking fellow drivers to give a mom a pass because teddy fell between the seats. I want to add, I am a WAHM (bookkeeper and sitter). I have a lot on my plate ALL of the time. I don’t always get it right, and I am not on time for everything. Safety is more important than the piano lesson. Be safe, be careful about what you plan for the day, and just go with the flow when things get hectic. You can only do one thing at a time anyways, something has to give sometimes. It’s better than having a trip to the ER carving out time in your day.