After a particularly busy day of momming pretty hard, I sat down to replay the day over in my mind. I was pretty proud of myself. I’d successfully pulled together a breakfast for six with only a fourth a gallon of milk and three slices of bread. That’s practically miracle status. I managed to make hubby’s lunch with two minutes to spare and then wrestled four kids into the car. The library books were returned with only a minimal late fee. I navigated the grocery store with four kids, balancing one on my hip while pushing a full cart, and even remembered the milk! The paycheck made it to the bank just in time for the bills to come out and in all, I felt triumphant! But one thing left me confused.
Three separate times during my brisk transit I was honked at. Each honk felt angry and one even came with hand gestures. I didn’t get it. What was up with people today? Did they skip their morning coffee or forget to sugar their breakfast cereal? Because the alternative meant I was a bad driver and that couldn’t be true. I had a state of Idaho driver’s education under my belt—that’s some quality shiz right there.
5 Reasons Minivan Moms Are Crazy Drivers
Minivan moms all over the world get a bad rap. You see their shiny vans whipping into parking stalls, cutting off other drivers as they swiftly change lanes, and zipping up to soccer fields while dozens of kids and soccer balls spill out.
We all know the minivan mom and have seen her in action. But before you go judging her and honking at her, try understanding her. Here are a few reasons minivan moms are crazy drivers.
1. They’ve got a car full of cavemen in the back seat.
Yelling, grunting, screaming, hitting—children really are like cavemen, especially when they’re crammed into tight quarters together. If you see a mom driving around like a crazy person, it’s probably because she has half a dozen little cavemen in her back seat punching each other, pulling hair, and grunting loudly at every McDonald’s sign they pass.
2. Someone’s always dropping something they need right now or they’ll die.
If you ever witness a minivan swerve off road a little bit, it’s not because mom’s falling asleep at the wheel. It’s actually quite the opposite—she’s at the top of her game.
Kids are always dropping something vital to their survival like their favorite teddy bear or sippy cup. 99% of the time, a swerving minivan is really just a mom grabbing a sippy cup and throwing a Hail Mary to the back seat.
3. There are five places to be at once.
Minivan moms tear up your local streets because they literally have multiple places to be at once. Don’t take their quick cut-offs personally; they just need to have little Johnny to Tae Kwon Do on one end of town and then have little Suzy to piano lessons two minutes later on the other.
4. Sometimes they need a break check.
If you’re a mom of multiple cavemen previously mentioned, then you know that sometimes the only way to get those cavemen’s attention is with a quick break check. What you see as a crazy mom slamming on her breaks is actually a very effective reality check for her kids in the back seat.
5. That gas pedal is like a stress ball.
An overworked business person gets a stress ball in his cubicle to squish when feeling anxious. A mom gets a gas pedal in her minivan. A minivan mom might be rocketing past the speed limit and not even know she’s doing it! When you get in the car, that gas pedal is like a stress ball and you take out all of your frustrations on it.
So cut the minivan mom some slack and don’t make her day any harder by honking at her. Just know that her day will come when a younger, more flustered minivan mom will cut her off and Karma will be served.
*Update: although this article is my light-hearted take on what moms deal with behind the wheel, we 100% advocate for safe driving, especially when there are children in your car. Read more about the #ItCanWait campaign we are joining forces with. When you are behind the wheel, no matter what car you drive or who is in the back seat, please make safety your top priority.