Unplugged parenting. Have you heard of it? Shuddered in fear?
That was me before. Now it’s our jam. This is why…
Pretty much because my kids were turning into purple minions. Their irritability grew the more we watched, and you could count on a tantrum when we turned it off early. Also, they had nothing to say. Ask them about their day and you would hear the entire plot of the TV show they watched that afternoon (which was usually downright scary with its lame and totally awful plot!) Never mind that we had been to the zoo that week, had soccer practice, ballet, or a hundred other exciting things to talk about…
Reading became work. Reading? It wasn’t nearly as exciting as a colorful and thrilling scene taking place before their eyes with no effort at all on their part. How could a book compete? As a mom, it wasn’t really helping me either. I constantly felt guilty for allowing the screen to become a kind of babysitter and wondered what commercials they were being exposed to. I would turn on “just one episode” to provide entertainment while I jumped in the shower but… “wait what? you have seen 5 episodes?”
It was easy to see my kids were addicted and I was the enabler. That sounds harsh but it didn’t seem to matter how painful the consequence was for screen time without permission, every single time I walked in the TV room it was on. It was like they were beyond their own ability to resist it. PURPLE MINIONS I TELL YOU.
After making these observations out loud to my hubs- we made a commitment to follow through with all those threats we had made to toss the darn thing. The kids were shocked the next Saturday to see our TV walk out the door with a new owner. We have two computers. We disabled netflix and enabled passwords on both of them, to be used for homework only. We were in the market for a new car and bought one without a DVD player. On purpose.
THE FALLOUT.
The first week was rough, there is no getting around it. I had to detox. It takes a minute for an antidote to sink in- about a week at our house. BUT THEN…
1- They played outside without getting bored. They ran wild. The trampoline was in high demand. They scraped their knees, tested their own physical limits and learned a LOT about gravity, strength, and being a good sport. They looked healthier.
2- Nature was cool again. Car rides (even short ones) were journeys of discovery. Long road trips were supplemented with audio books. We would listen together, then talk about the book. Our discussions were interesting and much less… YAWN.
3- Reading became the great adventure. One of my daughters who had fought learning to read through kindergarten and first grade completely fell in love with “Rebecca Of Sunny-Brooke Farm” and then went on to devour many other books. Books with an actual plot. I took the cash from the TV and stocked my library with better books.
4- Interacting with each other, (rather than just scowling at each other when their view went interrupted) immediately boosted my three-year-old’s communication skills.
If the purple minion has made a home in front of your set- take heart and take the plunge! We have gone two years now without it. I do not miss it. They still see movies sometimes at Grandma’s house, the theater or friends homes, its a fun treat. At home they are not burdened by the everyday fight against the tube. I feel I have enough battles as a parent, this move has made my life easier by eliminating a huge battle that had been going on. Life isn’t perfect but I feel like in a way we have set them (and ourselves) free.
We love to share what tips and tricks have worked well for us. After all, we’re all in this together! For example we just discovered Frugaa.com for saving big with codes and coupons. Here are a few more nuggets of wisdom we have been sharing with our fellow moms:
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Stop Fighting! 24 ways to help your kids stop fighting
5 ways TWEENS are transitioning – and what you can do to help
Canadian Girl says
Such a great post!!! Thanks for sharing
Heather Walker says
So glad you enjoyed it, I would love to know if any of these things or other ideas have worked for you:)
Kathy H. says
I love that sidewalk bird! Totally terrific color work gals! Keep your kids unplugged. They will be much better people for it.
Heather Walker says
I will pass on the compliment to the budding artists:) thanks! We need all the advantages in parenting we can get huh? 😉
Gin says
I would love this. Just curious how you handle the long cold dark winters? Also, I have a husband and 4 boys that love watching their sports…any suggestions?
Heather Walker says
Sports was the hardest part. We worked out a few compromises that fit our needs. We had already come to a compromise a few years back in our marriage that following two football teams season was enough, that’s 8 hrs a week of football!- (and by follow I mean-never miss a game- he still checks scores and stuff for the league on his phone) So when it came time for the first kickoff we structured our date nights around the season- heading to our parents houses or friends homes to watch. I gave him season tickets to the local college he loves, so he could actually BE at those games. He had a ticket for him and one for a child to go, so it made for great memories with them too. One date night when we wanted to watch the Olympics opening ceremonies, so we went to a restaurant with a big screen and ordered appetizers all night! It was so fun! I’m sure this kind of compromise will look different for every family, for ours it involved the hubs and I giving it up in most ways too, but for yours you may not need to go so extreme.
Long dark winters are my nemesis. For kids under 6: Lots of bubble baths in my big master tub, (they love to make boats out of legos and knex and try them out in the water), and bins of activities ready to go (like the usual knex, simple puzzles, playdo, craft supplies, easy board games like candy land and chutes and ladders). Try a kids drawing book and do a lesson or two together- or just read. An old board and some match-cars makes an easy ramp that is fun and cheap. Books on tape, set them up with headphones and the book to look at while the reader reads… For kids over 6: puzzles, chapter books on tape, swingball (a racket ball activity that you can do indoors, look it up on amazon), have THEM make dinner, dancing to ipod music, for your boys check out the book “mini weapons of mass destruction” to fuel their creativity… I am not going to lead you to believe it was as easy as watching a movie but after awhile they became more creative creatures on their own (which sometimes leads to more messes but that’s a whole ‘nother post!) and I don’t feel like I have to entertain them all the time.
Hope that gave you a few ideas! Let us know what you find that works!
Gin says
Those are great tips! After your post a few days ago our Netflix magically became “broken” and I instructed my boys that they can now only play their Playstation on Saturday but only after earning it throughout the week. I braced myself for constant complaining, and they did the first day, but the last couple days they have been coloring, playing board games, building forts, and playing outside more than they have in months. Their aggression level is noticeably lower which is proof right there how too much electronics can effect kids. I still haven’t quite decided how to do the whole sports watching- that one will be more tricky with the husband. One step at a time for now. Thank you for an inspiring post!
Heather Walker says
Fantastic! You go girl!
Eddy Gones says
I really enjoyed your article. I often feel an awful sense of guilt because of the amount of time my 7 year old boy spends on his IPad, video games, and watching television. My wife and I instituted a no iPad rule during school nights. It is difficult because we are both full time working parents. My wife works 1st shift & I work 3rd. We keep our son busy with sports, and other extra curricular activities, but down time around the house often involves electronics. He does well in school & is very well adjusted, but I can so identity with the purple minion comment. I really admire what you have done for your children. It just sounds so overwhelming ?
Heather Walker says
This parenting gig is no walk in the park, huh! Sounds like you are awesome parents- keep up the good fight! 🙂
[email protected] says
unbelievable!! Kudos to you would love more ideas on what you do daily.
Heather Walker says
For the younger kids, I have bins with activities ready to go like playdo, watercolors, knex, crayons/paper, ect. they can get these out- but mostly we just find ourselves reading more. If they ask me what they can do, I’ll give them a couple constructive ideas and follow up with a few ideas they won’t like (like take a nap, clean up the room ect…) they always choose the fun idea 🙂 If they are whining or don’t want to do any of the options I follow up by inviting them to find something constructive on their own or to just go take a break in their room until they can think of something.
Don’t forget even kids as young as three can make their own peanut butter sandwich, wash off a table or cut soft veggies to help you prep dinner. Make them part of your daily activities. (I know that is easier said than done, especially if you are in a hurry 🙂 but they thrive on feeling useful.
Another thing they love is to have a bath in my big tub. Bubbles are great too! It is easier if you have things they can do on their own so you dont feel like you have to entertain them, the point is that (after the initial detox period) they come up with their own activities.
Older kids (7-13 ish) usually have their own ideas because when they come to me and say they are bored I remind them I have a lot of ideas for cleaning the house! haha.
slser says
How old are your kids? We tried that with our teens and they just ended up hanging out at friend’s houses more. Which was even worse because then we had no idea what they were watching. We took their phones away and their friends gave them their old ones. We wouldn’t give them our wi-fi password and they use their friend’s and the school’s wi-fi to text and get everything they want. So, props for thier self-sufficiency and creativeness, but it feels like an uphill battle. Any thoughts?
Heather Walker says
Oh sistah! This article is geared more toward younger kids because that is what I have, it is much easier to monitor the 14 and under crowd when they cant drive or pay for anything themselves haha. As far as teens go it would be super hard to keep up with the changing technology and also help them learn to regulate their own “diet” of media use… I’m sorry I have no experience in the area so I’m attaching a few articles that may be helpful…
http://discipline.about.com/od/establishingrules/a/Sample-List-Of-Cell-Phone-Tv-And-Computer-Rules-For-Teenagers.htm
http://momlifetoday.com/resources/teens-and-tec/
http://www.seattletimes.com/business/ways-for-parents-to-ease-tussle-with-teens-over-tech-use/
Generally, it seems they all have ideas on how to moderate use- of course if you think your kids suffer from nomophobia you may want to talk to a professional about how to deal with the addiction-but only you know what a “moderate diet” looks like for you and your kids needs 🙂 Good luck mama, and please shar with us anything you find that works!