We’ve all been there before—in the midst of a toddler tantrum that can rival a tropical storm. After four kids, I’ve seen it all: screaming, pounding fists on the floor, writhing around like they have appendicitis. Tantrums are no fun. With my baby just entering the “terrible twos,” I’m finally cluing into one of the most amazing parenting strategies out there, The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, M.D.

You can find it in video form like I did, or in book form. It’s great for all kids ages one to four years old, but could also work wonders on children with developmental conditions like autism or sensory processing disorder. Here’s a quick run-down of the four toddler tantrum tricks that I swear work every time.

4 Toddler Tantrum Tricks That Actually Work

1. Toddlers Are Little Cavemen

Once you think about it, it totally makes sense. They push, they grunt, they point, they get upset when we don’t understand them. Toddlers throw objects, pull hair, and yell when they don’t get their way. When you start seeing your toddler as a tiny little caveman (or cavewoman), you let go of unrealistic expectations that they should act like mini-adults. They aren’t little adults and they can’t act like us because it is not developmentally appropriate for them to do so.

Before you even begin parenting your unruly toddler, first you have to lower your expectations and realize that they are, in fact, little Neanderthals running around in GAP t-shirts and if you’re lucky…jeans. The thought of it actually makes me laugh. So now when my little guy commences his boorish antics, I take a deep breath, delay my reaction, and first see him through caveman eyes.

{Photo Credit: Cristi Dame)

2. The Fast Food Rule

You know when you pull up to a fast-food drive-thru and the attendant always repeats your order back to you? The same applies for toddlers, which Dr. Harvey Karp calls the “Fast Food Rule.”

Toddlers on the verge of a breakdown are not the most sensible people to work with. They yell, cry, and repeat one word or phrase over and over again. “NO NO NO NO!” or “I WANT TREAT, I WANT TREAT!” With the fast food rule, you simply repeat exactly what your toddler (or child—this could work for all ages) is saying.

For example, when my little guy is yelling, “I WANT TREAT, I WANT TREAT!” I look him in the eyes and repeat back to him, “I want treat, I want treat. You want a treat, you want a treat.” It is amazing how he stops screaming immediately because I’ve just validated his wants. Note, I don’t give him a treat, but I vocalize his want so that he knows I’m listening, that I got the message. Many of us make the mistake of trying to rationalize with our toddlers when they are right in the midst of a tantrum. Calm down, it’s okay. I’ll get you a toy if you stop. When what they are really looking for is a little understanding. Try the fast food rule, I promise, it works wonders!

3. Speak Toddlerease

It’s true that toddlers have their very own unique language. It involves caveman style short words, phrases, grunts, and gestures. Communicating with little people who can’t tell you exactly what they want or need is frustrating. That’s why, according to Dr. Karp, you have to try and speak Toddlerease.

This means mirroring your toddlers gestures. When they point, you point. Speaking Toddlerease means using short words and phrases to get your point across. It means getting down on the floor with them when they are kicking and screaming and if you must, doing the same. It’s crazy how fast you get their attention and the tantrum stops. Now I wouldn’t recommend doing this in a public place, but in the nice, quiet privacy of your own home is a good place to try it. Here’s a good video to watch:

4. Feed the Meter

Kids are very much like parking meters in that they need to be given regular doses of love and attention to get them through the day. This doesn’t mean you have to be at your toddler’s side, coddling them 24/77, but stopping what you’re doing every 30 minutes or so to spend five minutes of undivided attention on them will be enough to get them through until they need their meters filled again.

If you find your toddler getting fussy when you’re right in the middle of a task like working from home or cooking dinner, chances are they just need a few minutes of TLC.

So the next time you’re battling a nasty toddler tantrum, don’t sweat it too much. Know that we’ve all been there and that the phase will pass soon enough. Try these four tricks, I swear they work! I only wish I’d known about them sooner, but now that I do, I actually find myself using them with my older children as well. Good luck, it’s stormy out there.

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