Whether you’re a newbie to this whole parenting thing, or a seasoned veteran, or a single parent, we all want to have a close and healthy relationship with our children, young or old. Strengthening relationships and communication with our children can boil down to one thing: spending time with them. There are no other best ways to build up a great relationship than spending time with your own children. In the long run, you can become best friends. Even when your children are in high school, they will not hesitate to come to you when they need help.
10,000 hours?
In the book Outliers (an amazing read, by the way, that puts a fascinating perspective the opportunities we give our kids), author Malcolm Gladwell argues that the great achievers in our society weren’t born great: they just put in the most hours. His 10,000-hour rule claims that the key to success in any field is practicing a task for at least 10,000 hours. Could this apply to being a stellar parent? You bet.
You can argue that a full time, on-call 24 hours a day parent, puts in waayyy more than 10,000 hours. We’re with our kids all the time (good grief, in just one year there are 8,760 hours!), shouldn’t just being together be enough to go pro? But just hanging around the basketball court never made Michael Jordan the best basketball player of all time, did it?
One of the best things we can do as parents is spend some special time with each of our children. Time is one of the most valuable gifts we can give, and, if wasted, we can never get that time back. So often I’ve been in the grocery store with my three crazies crawling all over me and had an elderly person tell me, “Treasure those little ones while you can, they grow up so fast.”
Could spending 10,000 hours of quality time really make a difference in our relationships?
Dating your kids
One of my resolutions this year is to start going on dates with my kids. I think “date” is a very appropriate term. A date involves time spent one-on-one trying to learn more about a person, talking, asking questions, communicating, building relationships. Why not date our kids? It may seem to be exaggerated in real life, but you should trust the process.
Going on regular dates with our kids will open lines of communication and build strong relationships that will weather the good and bad times in life. If you can talk easily now, you’ll be able to talk when it really counts. If there is an understanding built up on a regular basis, then the mutual respect will grow higher and higher.
There is something simply sweet and yet profoundly important in spending one-on-one time with each individual child. It doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is that you talk, laugh, cry, agree, disagree, and always part ways with an “I love you.” It is important for a single dad or a single mother to spend time with their child.
How often?
Once a month is a good benchmark for special one-on-one dates with your child. In this recent Facebook convo with some of our fantastic readers, Stacy L. had this great idea:
“[Every month,] each child gets to pick which parent they want to go out with and on their birthday number (if born on the 26th then the 26th is their special day), we go do something they choose to do. Bowling, movie, dinner, ice cream. The kids know that they will have their special day the same day every month.”
Decide what works best for your family and your schedule. Maybe it’s every Saturday morning, or maybe you live life on the edge and your dates are more impromptu. Just do them regularly and you can’t go wrong!
However, when your child is feeling low, it could be the perfect time to cheer him up. Basically, in the teenage years, your children will likely spend more alone time ignoring their families. Facing hard times is common. But if you already have a habit of talking with each other for a long time, then your kids will be less likely to pull away from you.
50+ fun date ideas
Generated by our FB conversation, these date ideas are perfect for toddlers, teens, and even adult children!
- Go out to breakfast (on birthdays or whenever).
- Shoot hoops, toss a football, a baseball, or kick a soccer ball.
- Go golfing or to the driving/putting range.
- Go ice skating or play hockey.
- Go to the pet store.
- Out to a restaurant of their choice (usually McDonalds for little ones!)
- To a movie
- Ice cream, frozen yogurt, or milkshakes
- Silly progressive dinner (i.e. McDonalds for appetizers, Jack in the Box for dinner, and Winco bulk section for dessert)
- Stop by the photo booth to commemorate your outing!
- Take your child to a “fancy” restaurant. Show him or her how to open doors, pull back chairs, and order from a menu.
- Go to a thrift store and choose a special treasure.
- Surprise them by picking them up from school and go to lunch.
- Zoo, aviary, aquarium
- Sneak out in the morning for a special donut together before everyone wakes up.
- Go running together.
- Take a fitness class together.
- Parent/child nights at some restaurants (like Chili’s)
- Go to the jewelry store to pick out something special.
- Have a spa day (pedicures, manicures, hair, ect.)
- Bike rides/motorcycle rides
- Take them grocery shopping individually (believe me, this is much more pleasant!)
- Book store
- Paint pottery
- Museums
- Take a dance class together
- Take a hike!
- Fishing/hunting
- Arcade games
- Special trips (when they turn a certain age): In my husband’s family, mom would take each child on a very special trip when they turned 11. The trips included Washington DC and even London!
- Feed the ducks.
- Go to the park.
- Attend a play (Disney on ice, the Nutcracker etc.).
- Painting/drawing each other’s portraits
- A day at the beach
- Go school shopping individually and then to lunch.
- Go to Target, pick out one activity to do together (nail polish, puzzle, LEGOS, a craft or project, etc.) And of course, get some popcorn!
- Monster truck races
- Mini golf
- Go to a basketball/football/hockey/baseball game together.
- Ride scooters together.
- Play laser tag.
- Have a picnic which they help pack.
- Visit the fire station.
- Go on a nature scavenger hunt.
- Go to the library and take turns picking out a book to read together.
- Rock wall climbing
- Check out Cabelas together.
- Go to a sweet shop and share a cupcake or pick a special treat.
- Go for a drive to your favorite place, somewhere nostalgic, or a different town that is near by.
- Try out a new restaurant and pretend like you’re a restaurant critic.
- Walk around your college campus.
- Take them to see your childhood home or your elementary/middle/high school.
- Try a cooking class/cake decorating class.
Copy this list and print it out at home where you and your children can have fun planning your special dates. Or, cut each idea into a strip and place it in a jar. When it’s time for your date, pull one out and let fate decide!
Here’s to logging in 10,000+ hours of fun, unique individual time with our children. And if you have any other great ideas or success stories, please share!
alison@howdoesshe says
Thanks for all these ideas. I’m trying to make a monthly date night with each kid and this list just made my life easier! Thanks!!
Barbara F. says
My kids are college-aged now(!), and we often did this when they were young. The best thing about it for me was when my son, at around 13 years old, would ask me to go to dinner & a movie with him. We also did a few special trips with just one parent and one child: my daughter & I spent a weekend in NYC And the hubby & son went to Cooperstown, NY Truly amazing experiences that the kids still talk about. If you haven’t started doing kid dates, I highly recommend it!
Mama Sun of 6 says
Love! Love! Love! 100% ALL of these date ideas. BUT.. What if you have six kids? It is hard even to get through homework, baths, dinner, and to bed on time nightly. How would you make it ‘fair’? I was going to do a kid a week, but that is SIX weeks for each kid to wait for one-on-one time.. is that alright?
Nicolette says
I think if you take one child on a date each week that is totally fine! Having multiple children does make it hard, and no one wants to be the last one. But if you make it into a regular cycle, it won’t seem like someone is last. For myself, I HAVE to put it on my calendar for it to get done. Good luck!
Michelle says
We do one child a week, and we have four. We alternate mom and dad. It is 4 weeks between dates. We’ve been doing it for over 6 years now. Totally worth it.
Lee says
Great ideas!!! Totally alright if you have multiple kiddos and they have to wait a little while before its their turn!!! They learn patience and get to learn to listen (and be happy for) others when they have good things happen in their life. We have three kids and we have dad go once a week with each kiddo. Then the fourth week is for mom and dad to reconnect and talk about the dates with the kids and areas that we may need to encourage or protect. Then the next three weeks are moms turn at date nights with each one! We still have our own date nights, but we try to avoid talking about the kids (unless necessary) on those nights and focus more on each other and our marriage. 🙂
Wes says
I love everything you said LEE. I have 3 kids also, I think I’m gonna stake with your ideas. Thanks a lot.
Penny says
What a great post! It’s so important to have that one on one time with the kids. I love the list that everyone generated together. I think Grandpa’s and Grandma’s should have a special date with their grandkids too!
Nicolette says
Yep, grandparent dates are awesome too!
Laura B. says
I love all these ideas. I am glad to see some free ones on there too. We have three children with our fourth due in June and we want to start going on special dates with our kids individually. But with 3 (soon to be 4) children, that can get expensive. So the free ideas are helpful! Plus I like the idea of their birth date being the day of the month for the birthday. Although, two of my children have birthdays within 3 days of each other! 🙂
Julie says
Fantastic ideas:) Thanks for putting together this great list, I’m going to get my husband on board with this- so fun!
Elizabeth says
When my daughter was a tween and teen , we made it a point of going out to breakfast on the weekend, just the two of us. She was not one to sleep in, but her friends were….frustrating at that age to not be ‘social’ every waking hour! (And this was pre-Facebook and texting)didn’t not have to compete for those evening hours and she wasn’t felling like I was interrupting her life. Oh my, we talked and talked. Still do breakfast when we can…she is almost thirty and lives 600 miles away.
Fds says
I love this list and think there are some great ideas on it. However I have to point out the sexism in number 37. While there is nothing inherently wrong in painting nails together, if that’s something your daughter already enjoys, implying that Lego is not for girls IS wrong. Lego is for girls and boys and girls are worth more than their perceived beauty. I hope I don’t sound rude; this is something I feel very strongly about.
Nicolette says
Of course you’re right! Legos can definitely be for girls too:) All of these ideas can be for both sons and daughters. Hopefully this friendly list will just give you some fun ideas to get you going! Thanks!
Emma @ Outmumbered says
Thank you so much for this brilliant list!!! 🙂 I love having dates with my boys.
Angela says
@FDS I just saw your comment and couldn’t agree more. We can do better.
Miranda Sanchez says
Awesome I am glad I have already done some of the stuff in the list. Can’t wait to finish the list!
Amanda says
@fds thanks for speaking up. My girl will rock a lego set and go to cabella’s any day. I hope more parents will think of it as an option for their daughters as well as their sons.
Betty says
I agree. Play dates are just important for parent and child as they are for their child and friend. Children look forward to time with their parent’ alone. We should never be to busy to carve time out with our children.
Rhea says
I love these ideas! My little guy is two and I can’t wait to start taking him on little dates with mommy!
eljah*B says
Hi Nicolette! This is such an important article. Thank you so much for blogging about this idea. My hubby and I go on separate “dates” with each kiddo often. It makes a huge difference in the way we connect and communicate. I had to share with my Etsy fans at http://www.facebook.com/eljahb. I invite you all to also stop by my shop: http://www.eljahb.etsy.com
I just love following “How Does She?” you all focus on so many important aspects of family:) THank you!! Rachel
Marie says
I am SUCH a fan of this idea! I love your suggestions. I’ve done this for years with my kids. I think it’s especially important when you have a large family. I have six kids, and I initially started doing “special days” with my children as a means of having them hang out with a younger/older sibling that they don’t get to spend as much time with. So I would pair them up with whomever they needed to bond with. It worked out great! I got to spend time with them in a smaller group and they got to know a sibling better. As they have gotten older, it seems to be more important to have the teens one on one with me. If you have them trapped alone with you in the car long enough, they will talk! Thanks for highlighting such an important idea.!
Zonnia says
Nice list, but maybe update so girls can do “brain things” like play legos too. Boys can be compassionate and sensitive, and girls can be brainy and athletic. Let’s not box our kids into gender roles.
Nicolette says
Yep, you are so right. It’s about time some of those ideas got updated;). Thanks!
parentsupporthub.com says
Just like you go on a date with your spouse to spend one-on-one time together, you can (and I propose, you should) do the same with your children! A study from the Journal of Marriage and Family showed that kids who spend more time with their parents are less likely to abuse alcohol or drugs; are less likely to engage in risky, delinquent, or illegal behaviors; and achieve better math scores.
Rosie Beckett says
My husband and I are trying to find ways to spend more time with our kids, especially because we get extremely busy during the school year. You make a great point that you should take your kids on “date” activities so that you can spend one-on-one time with them. I think that this will help my husband and me to build deeper relationships with our children and understand how they communicate.