It didn’t hit me until I heard my three-year-old tell her younger brother (in a very impatient tone), “No, I just don’t have time for that right now!”
I had become a “No-Mom.”
Definition:
No-Mom [noh-mahm]
1. A mother who consistently answers “No” to most requests her children make, with or without actually hearing them.
Example:
When asked if they could get out the legos, John’s mom answered, “No, that’s too messy right now.
Synonyms:
1. mean mom, cranky mom, no fun, stick-in-the-mud mamma
I didn’t want to be a no-mom! To remedy this, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to become more of a “yes-mom.” This is definitely not like the Jim Carey movie where I would need to say yes to everything, but rather to say “yes” to harmless, fun activities to which my first response is usually “no.” There have been so many times my kids have asked me to do a puzzle with them, or to get out the finger paints, and I’ve said something along the lines of, “Oh, that would be fun…maybe later, when I finish cleaning the kitchen.” It never gets done. How sad!
The reason I chose to quit work and stay at home with my kids was so I could watch them grow–give them a beautiful childhood full of fun, laughter and imagination. Something in the house will always need cleaned, but my children will not always want me to do puzzles with them, or to hold them just because. They will grow up and do those things on their own. They won’t want my help, and holding them will not be so cool. Now is my time to just be with them.
So I started the “Yes-Mom” experiment. I designated Friday as my “Yes-Mom” day because my agenda was wide open, and the house was basically clean. I didn’t tell my kids about the experiment, but resolved to say yes to all reasonable requests (asking for five baggies of fruit snacks was not considered a reasonable request). I just let them guide the day by doing things they wanted to do. It was actually humorous and tons of fun!
Here’s how our first “Yes-Mom” day went:
Dress Up
Immediately upon waking up, they asked to put costumes on. Normally, I would decline, explaining that we had to go run some errands and you don’t wear costumes at the store. But today was a “Yes-Mom” day. The surprised smiles on their faces when I said yes brightened my heart!
Minnie and Mickey Mouse Pancakes
Pancakes are usually a weekend breakfast, yet my kiddos would love them every day, especially character pancakes. Normally I refuse because cereal is so much faster and easier, but luckily, today was a “Yes-Mom” day. So when they begged for pancakes, I was pleased to oblige. And of course they wanted to “help” by pulling up chairs and flipping the pancakes. We made Mickey, Minnie, and a much less successful mermaid and Buzz Lightyear.
Stacks and stacks of stories
Usually, when one of my little ones comes up to me with a stack of books nearly bigger than they are, I say, “Just pick one and I’ll read it.”
But today, I had all the time in the world to read stories. And you know what, because I had that mindset, it was so much more fun reading book after book, talking and laughing about each one. That is precious time I would have missed had I been mopping the floor.
Butcher paper drawing
After changing outfits for the third time that morning (something I still struggled having patience with), they both wanted to draw. So I got out some computer paper and the colored pencils. “No!” my daughter exclaimed, “On the BIG paper!”
So instead of grumbling, “Just use the small paper,” I rolled out the butcher paper. After seeing their creativity, I berated myself for normally denying them of this. And when my daughter wanted me to draw Rapunzel, and then criticized my attempt (“Mom, you drew her lips too big. And her dress needs to be all pink!”) I held in the retort: “Then you do it!” and just tried again. It felt good being a “Yes-Mom.”
Playing in the snow
Ahh, the snow. Love it and hate it. I love its beautiful, crisp look, but hate being cold. Usually when my kids beg to go outside and play in the snow, I make excuses like, “Not now, I need to take a shower.” Besides, it takes 20 minutes to get everyone dressed and then after five minutes of playing, they’re done. What a stick in the mud mom I’d become!
How can I forget the incredible fun it is to play in the snow as a child? So in the spirit of the “Yes-Mom,” I bundled everyone up, myself included and we made snow angels, a teensie snow man named Gus, and even ate some snow. Seeing the magical joy of snow through my children’s eyes made me wonder why I usually said no in the first place.
Play dough
I love play dough as a “keep ’em busy” activity while I make dinner or do some other chore. I rarely join in on the fun. But of course today was a hands-on day so I dug in. Let me tell you, this is a great way to observe your child’s imagination. It is amazing to see little minds at work.
Watching their little hands busy creating burritos and artistic blobs, I teared up, realizing that for this moment, right now, they were my little ones. Little sweeties who actually wanted, begged to be with me. I was their best friend.
These little chubby hands will grow.
But in this moment, they are mine.
Childhood is so precious. Too precious to miss while cleaning, organizing, or cooking.
By no means was my “Yes-Mom” day a perfect mom day. I still lost my temper and still put my foot down when so-and-so wouldn’t share a toy. But I felt like I was able to freeze time for a moment. To really savor the simplicity and innocence of my kids at the stages they are in. I held them longer and listened to them closer.
Not only do I look forward to my “Yes-Mom” Fridays, but I find myself daily trying to pay more attention to my little ones. If you’ve been feeling a bit like a “”No-Mom” lately, try designating one day a week to be a “Yes-Mom.” See the difference it makes.
gina says
Love this post! I think I need to have a “yes mom” day with my kids too!
Kailie says
this is so precious! thank you for sharing 🙂
Debbie says
What a good reminder and a good idea too. That might have to be one of my resolutions this year too. 🙂 Thanks. found you via pinterest. 🙂
Siobhan says
Thanks so much for sharing this. What a good reminder for those of us who have decided to stay home with our kids, and then get bogged down in the minutia. I think I need to have a yes-mom day too.
Kizzy says
This post reminds me so much about our family so over the weekend we will have a yes-mom day too.
Heather Lynne says
Love this post, Nicolette!
Becky says
Such a good reminder – thanks!
Shelley says
I want to be a YES MOM! 🙂 I seriously read this post twice. I really really love this.
Andrea says
Really loved this post…I will be joining this experiment as well!!
Sara says
What a great mindset to have! We have a couple days off school coming up so I’ll give it a try. Thanks.
Amy B says
Thank you SO much for this article today. It took me about 6 hours to read it (I’m at work, and THAT busy) and I’m SO glad I left it up on the screen so that I could get back to it.
I hate the fact that I’ve become a “no mom”… I have two little guys, ages 2.5 and 5 and when I get home from an 8 hour day at work, I’m exhausted and don’t feel like playing, getting out the ‘big paper”, or reading a book (after being on the phone all day at work). But from now on, I’m going to do my best to remember this article and be a “yes mom”. She’s so much nicer (and happier) than the “no mom”.
thank you for blessing me with this today! (and in turn, blessing my kids and husband too!)
Nicolette says
I know those days. It’s so hard to work a full day and then come home and give 100% when you feel depleted. You are an amazing mom to do that! BTW, my “yes mom” is a lot more pleasant to be around too;)
stacy says
What a great post! It is always good to be reminded how precious time with our children is and how to capture those moments to make memories! Thanks for the inspiration!
Rachel says
What a sweet, wonderful day with your kiddos! Such a wonderful post. I love this idea.
natalie Kay says
bravo!
Dani says
This no-mom sounds familiar. And I think she may also disguise herself as in-a-minute-mom, like no-mom but worse because you’re just giving them false hope. Yes-mom sounds like someone every kid would love.
Alysha says
Aw Nicolette, this is a beautiful post. Thanks for giving me that kick in the pants, i want to be a yes mom too. 🙂 Those memories you’re making are irreplaceable. Great post. 🙂
Serena says
Thanks Nicolette! I really needed this one an even teared up a bit at the reminder that they are going to grow up so fast and won’t always want me every waking moment…which will be sad someday even though it’s hard right now. : ) Looking forward to our own Yes-Mom day ASAP!
Nicolette says
I know! It can be so hard when you have three little ones clinging to you, but they will grow up fast enough. The “yes mom” has been a long time coming in our house;)
Carrie says
Thank you for the great inspiration. I am here by deeming Thursdays “Yes Day”. My kids thank you in advance! 🙂 By the way, how do you make such perfect Mickey & Minnie pancakes anyway?!
Kirsten says
Wow. I am so convicted right now. I see so much of myself in your description of the “No-Mom” and it breaks my heart! My daughter is almost 11, and those precious moments of her actually WANTING to spend time with me are short-lived I’m afraid. I’ll blink and she’ll be a teenager with a boyfriend and cell phone and no time for dear old mom.
I am going to plan a Yes-Mom day VERY soon. Thank you so much for the inspiration!
Carrie says
Oh, I love this idea!! I love the concept of designating one day to totally be a yes-mom!! Definitely going to try this! 🙂
Nikki says
Loved the article… honestly I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth!
Sooooo many people (mostly those with older children) love to tell me “oh those are the best times! Enjoy them now while they are little, they grow so fast!” Etc, etc, etc. (mine are 5 & 4)But I know I am not alone when I say, its impossible to enjoy every moment or even the clear majority. What I love about your post is that you suggest one day a week. Baby steps. Start with one day then add to it.
Its always nice to get a reminder to “enjoy the moment” in a positive fashion. Thank you…
Stephanie says
This post puts a lump in my throat. What mom can’t relate!? It instantly reminded me of this poem and wondered if you were familiar with it:
My hands were busy through the day,
I didn’t have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn’t have much time for you.
I’d wash your clothes; I’d sew and cook,
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I’d say, “A little later, son.”
I’d tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I’d stayed a minute more.
For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away,
There are no children’s games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.
My hands once busy, now lie still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.
Nicolette says
So true! I’d never heard that sweet poem before; I’ll have to save it. Thanks for sharing!
Heather says
GAH! You’re making me cry!
Ann @ The Scrapbooking Housewife says
I’m tearing up reading that poem! Thanks for posting!!
Ashley g says
I am so happy you wrote this article. I needed it badly. I’ve been doing this in baby steps. I’m happier and so are my kids. Thanks so much.
Jennifer says
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this! There are so many things we find ourselves saying no to just because its inconvenient or not in our plan. I’m a mom of two wonderful kids (3 yr old daughter and 1 yr old boy) and I always have to remind myself that they don’t care about dishes, laundry or errands…. They live in the moment and learn from everything they do. I love your idea of designating a day of the week for this b/c laundry, dishes and errands DO need to get done…. but maybe for one day they can wait. Thanks again for the inspiration!
Jess- getSNAZZY.com says
Thank you! Time and a little independence means so much to kids. We will start today!
Kristen says
Thank you SO much for writing this. An absolutely wonderful reminder for me. I constantly find myself being a no-mom just so I can……load the dishwasher, or wipe the countertops??? Very eye opening and I can’t wait to start being more of a yes mom.
Penny says
Aww. This post warmed my heart. I’m so glad you could spend such a wonderful day with your children and write about it so that you can cherish it forever! I wish a could rewind the clock and have more of those kinds of days with my kids. One of my fav posts ever!
Angela Lemmons says
I LOVE doing “yes days” with my 12-year-old!! Often, it’s hard to surprise kids at that age so “yes days” are especially awesome!!
Kimberly Berry says
LOVE IT!!! I feel bad because I too will say, “later” or “that’s too messy.” My daughter will be sooo happy when I have a “Yes-Mom” day. 🙂
Amber Lai Tyam says
Thank you for posting this. I have realized that I too, like so many other moms, have become a “no mom”. Your post made me stop and think and decide to become more of a “yes mom”.
Sydnee says
What an awesome post! I’m a bad no-mom – but am trying to do better. 🙁 This was a great reminder. And I appreciate the ideas of what a yes-mom can do. Seems like I’ve forgotten how to have fun on so many levels. Thanks for a fabulous reminder!!! I’m def sharing this! 🙂
Trish G says
Thank you, Nicolette, for posting about your Yes-Mom Day! It’s good to know that I’m not the only Mommy who says “no” more often than I’d like to. Cleaning isn’t my favorite chore anyway, so why do I spend so much time on it instead of precious time with my little ones? I resolve to have my very own Yes-Mom Day! It shall be Tuesdays (since that’s our free day here), and I can’t wait to start having more fun!
Amanda says
I loved this post. I have certainly become a “No-Mom” and I love the idea of having a “Yes-Mom”! Thank you for sharing your ideas. Such a sweet post!!
[email protected] says
I loved you post & speaking from experience I congratulate you on your day! Day’s like this make grateful memories forever for you and your children!
The poem I lived by:
The dusting & cleaning can wait till tomorrow
For chlldren grow up we have learned to our sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs & dust go to sleep,
I’m rocking my baby & babies don’t keep.
[email protected]
MaryAnn says
I am a mother of two boys, ages 36 and 38, I was a stay at home mom for 11 years then went to work. At this ripe old age of 59, I want to express to all young up and coming moms, make time to be a yes-mom. I can’t believe I was a “wait a minute” mom until my 36 yr. old told me last year when I was having a grand time with my granddaughters, “how come you were too busy to play with us when we were young? You would say “wait a minute while I cleaned this or wait a minute while I cooked dinner.” I teared up and asked both him and his older brother to forgive me for not finding the time to get down with them when they were younger, and to take this as a life lesson on how to be a good father. For them to make sure they find their free time to be with their kids, because yes, they grow up too fast and then you get hit with reality when your child tells you “how come you were too busy to sit with us to play a game, and now you have all the time to do this with your granddaughters”.
So take time to become “yes parents” and put the phone, the computer or whatever techology device you use as an excuse because you don’t have time for you children. Don’t wait until your kids are in their thirty’s to say “how come you always said “not now” or “wait a minute.
Jet says
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I can absolutely identify with you, but I still have a chance to make this up: my children are 4 and 6 yrs old. So happy that you took the time to share this!
Piper says
You stepped on my toes… I am the no-mom. Sometime I think I could write the no mom book. Makes me sad too. I am participating in a challenge with a couple dear friends, and one of the things I mentioned when we started, was how often I said, “No” “Not right now” or “do this” do that”… such a habit of control.
Working hard on saying yes…or saying nothing at all! Makes things a lot more peaceful. (My children are older and I dont want them to remember me always saying no!
Trish says
I have also noticed when I consciously set aside time to spend with my daughter and do whatever she wants to do, I enjoy her SO MUCH MORE! One day too soon I’ll just be her lame Mom, so until then I just try to cherish each day and get in as many kisses, hugs, and snuggles as I can.
Ann @ The Scrapbooking Housewife says
I really enjoyed your post! I have known for a while that I need to be more of a “yes-Mum” and when I read your comment about how you chose to be a stay-at-home Mum so you could just be with your kids every day it really hit home with me. I have been a stay-at-home Mum for almost 9 years (oldest is 8.5 yrs & youngest is turning 4 tomorrow) and by now I am ready to “get on with my life,” but I have realized that this *is* my life and I will never get this time back. I must enjoy every moment with the kids while they are still young. So thank you very much for writing this very honest and truthful post. 🙂
LouAnn says
Oh, ouch – wish I had read this years earlier. My children are now almost 15 and 12.5 … I left my career when they were young to enjoy them growing up but I was always busy with something. Now I clearly see I was a “no mom”. So sad – but I will start today by changing that for the remainder of time I have left. Thank you for the reminder.
Nicolette says
You are ALL so right! But the best part is that it is never, ever too late to start! I love reading these comments; it makes me realize none of us are perfect moms, but we’re always striving to be better.
Rebecca Lazaroff (@belleandbeanzer) says
talk about embracing the moment! LOVED this post! thank you 🙂
Jessica says
I had the same feeling with my neices and nephews about a year ago. I was the fun aunt who had somehow at some point turned boring!! At that point i changed how i looked at things. It was amazing. Now, at 4 1/2 months pregnant, i hope I can be a (reasonably) yes-mom!!
Inde says
Thanks for this…I’ve become a NO mom and I plan on becoming a YES mom! You’re right they are only this little for so long 🙂
Chris C. says
Beautiful! All moms are busy and it’s so easy to miss out on the important times with our little ones, even as a full-time at home mom. When my children were young I discovered the local news paper company offered the ends of rolls of newsprint for $2 each. My husband mounted two large hooks beneath a counter, added a dowel to hold the roll. Best DIY project ever!
jennifer wilson wean says
Thank you so much for this… after reading this, I realized I Was a stick in the mud ! I give them some freedoms but when they want to play with something messy i say no, If they ask to make puzzles or something all over the living room floor I say no because i jsut vacuumed it & the look of the clean floor with the toys away is nice to me. BUT , not to them & not being able to play or have fun with mommy is time I am wasting. I am so afraid of them growing up and leaving but if I truly take the time to enjoy them now I wont feel so sad when they do eventually grow uip! my kids are 4 and 5 going on 40 ! I am going to start a YES day like you have done ! THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR SHARING THIS !
Susanna says
I needed to read this today! Tomorrow is the day my middle baby doesn’t have preschool and I always want to play with her more that day and end up cleaning and getting things done, but I’m going to go into it tomorrow with a Yes-Mom play and see where she takes us! Excellent post!
Elle says
I let my kids play with homemade playdough at the kitchen table while I’m cooking/cleaning the kitchen. That way they are near me and we can talk and I can help them in anything they need (and they can decide to help me with something if they choose) while I still get things done.
The kitchen table was a cheap Ikea buy (unlike my beautiful way-too-expensive dining room table) but since the kitchen is the heart of our house it’s where the kids do their homework, where we share something hot to drink in the afternoon and where we have family dinners together EVERY NIGHT that we use to talk & share (on the weekends we have more formal dinners in the dining room).
Michelle S. says
Love this post!! I need to become a Yes-Mom too and you gave such a great idea on this. It really struck a chord when you pointed out that right now you are their best friend and I realized it’s the same for me and my little guy! Thanks for that great Ah-Ha moment!!
I read an article in Parents magazine a month or so ago and the Mom also shared her trouble of trying to balance “Play with me Mom” and getting her To Do list done. She gave the challenge to play every day for just 20 minutes. I started doing that too and it’s helped alot.
Thanks again for a great post!!
She Said : mnsaid.blogspot.com
Jessica says
Wow I loved this!!! I am an Army wife and mother to an 8 and 5 year old. Life can get really crazy sometimes and you fall into a pattern but this really is motivational. I like that you designated one day and focused on that!!!!
Heidi says
Such a refreshing post! I recently created a similar challenge for myself. My favorite part of your post– “That is precious time I would have missed had I been mopping the floor.” It’s so true! And even better, I love that your children didn’t even notice much difference in their day. Not because you weren’t different, but because they’re sweet, innocent, fun little minds expect to have guided fun with you all day, everyday! I hope my kids always expect that from me. Which means my “Yes days” need to be often enough for them to remember years down the road! Thanks for this!
Rebecca says
It breaks my heart to realise that I’ve become a ‘yes employee’ and a ‘no-mum’.
Brandi says
I was just thinking the same thing about myself 🙁
Kimberly Rupert says
Hi Nicolette,
I’m so a NO Mom…I need to make a point to help my son (4.5) have more memorable days with me. Thank you for making me think about this.
May I have your permission to reprint this article? I will only use 1 of the photos due to space constraints. I create a newsletter for my MOPS group, http://www.mopsnewalbany.blogspot.com/. This would be a great feature article. I would link to your original article and source you in whatever manner you wish.
Thank you in advance.
Kmberly
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Hi Kimberly. You are welcome to use our content as long as you link back to the original post. 🙂 Thank you for asking.
Carlee says
What a great article to remind us of the real value and importance of being in the moment with our children. I loved it, thank you!
Jordan says
I just wanted to thank you for this wonderful article. I referenced it in my blog today. It really helped remind me why I became a stay at home mom. I need a bit of reminding.
XOXO,
Jodan
Susan says
your kids are so beautiful!
Nicolette says
Thank you! I think so too, but of course I’m a little biased;).
Marie says
I needed to read this post. Thank you for writing it!
Laura @ Laura's Crafty Life says
I love this idea. I have been trying to implement this as well, although it can be hard. I love the idea of having a “yes-mom” day! Such a great idea!
Tracie Ferguson says
best thing I’ve read all day!!!! Thank you for putting things into perspective!! I’m going to try a “Yes-Day”!!
Debbie W. says
This is true for all kids, well people really. My youngest is 11 and they still want to do things with me. Recently my oldest daughter asked if she could join a running group. I said no initially because I was feeling overwhelmed with my “to do list”. I quickly told her how I was feeling and asked her to get more information about it. Much better then a flat out no.
LM says
This past summer I called it the “summer of yes” and tried to say yes to everything that didn’t matter. It started because I was trying to get my husband on board- he says no to everything, even things that don’t matter!! Well, the summer of yes turned in to the winter of yes and now we are trying out the “Year of Yes”. It has really helped us focus on what things really matter to us and that we won’t be flexible about, but on the other hand what really doesn’t take much to make a kid happy by just saying yes. (They usually loose interest pretty quickly, anyway, but you still get to be the good guy. :))
Amber says
Thank you so much for this!!! I can totally relate and I’m gonna give this a try! Thanks for the inspiration 🙂
Cheryl says
I absolutely love this! You have inspired me to have Yes Mom day regularly!!
Jackie Charley says
Wonderful post! I’ve given myself a similar challenge on occasions and it’s reaped really good rewards. I’ve never tied it to a day of the week like you have – that’s a very good idea if schedules allow.
Thanks for your honesty and inspiration!
Carrie Rudy says
Great post! I have felt this way too! I wrote a post kinda like this not too long ago. I love your idea of having a day devoted to yes. May have to try that along with what I have been saying yes to!
danielle conte says
This post was amazing and almost made me cry. I shared it with friends and posted it on Facebook. Every mother should read this
So many mothers waste time doing Exactly that MYSELF INCLUDED….totally stopping !!! Nothing better then seeing a spark in your babies eye filled with happiness and love
Thank u for this!!
Nicolette says
Oh you are sweet. It has made such a difference in my life, and the relationship I have with my kids is so much sweeter.
Mel says
Thank you so much for this post. I am a stay at home mom and I find myself cleaning and organizing and getting frustrated more then spending quality time with them like I would like. This is exactly what I needed!