My kids love candy. And it seems as though every holiday, party and even minor event they are bombarded with even more candy. So it came as quite a surprise when our daughter approached us asking to make a candy deal. Her friend’s parents were offering a big prize if she could go without candy for several months, and our daughter wanted the same deal. I lacked faith in her ability to complete the deal, and we offered a generous prize of our daughters choosing (a motorized scooter) if she went without candy for 5 months.
No candy.
No eating the Easter candy she had just received. Nor the candy that came from classroom parties or anywhere else for that matter. She was cut off.
At first it was really hard for her. She complained when she saw her brothers eating candy and we constantly reminded her this deal was of her own choosing and she could back out at any time. But with each week that passed it became easier for her and by month three it was very apparent that she was going to earn her scooter. She had a strength and will power I had yet to see in her. She knew what she wanted and there wasn’t going to be anything standing in her way.
Just a few weeks before the deal was done, there was a knock at the door. There her friend stood holding a large lollipop with a birthday invitation attached. My sweet daughter read the invitation and looked me square in the eyes with complete disappointment. She had been invited to a Candyland party and she was not eating candy. I could see the immediate hurt and I watched her put the sucker in the cupboard. She didn’t say anything but her face said it all.
My immediate mom reaction was to shelter her from disappointment and do what it took to make it better. All sorts of things started running through my mind. Do we end the deal a couple weeks early and let her enjoy the party? Do we give her a free pass just for the afternoon?
She decided to attend the party with the understanding that she wouldn’t be partaking. We were driving to the party and just as I was about to give her a free pass for the afternoon, something in my gut said STOP. Let her do this. She is ready and willing to continue with the deal, why strip her of this tough decision she has chosen to make? She is proving not only to us, but also to herself that she can do hard things. She is learning that great reward often comes at a sacrifice. A sacrifice she was willing to make.
I walked into the Candyland party with her and there was candy everywhere. I mean everywhere; candy covered the tables and counters. They went to great lengths to recreate the game and left out no details. Her eyes were big as she looked at me. I whispered, “You can do this.” She looked back at the table and pointed to the cupcake on the counter and giggled. “At least I can eat that!” She had the best time, despite not eating any candy and she came home with a bag full that she promptly stashed away in the cupboard next to the large lollipop to be consumed at a later date.
Just a few weeks later, the day arrived when the deal was complete and she shouted from the rooftops that she was done! There was no doubt she had earned her scooter – without taking any shortcuts. The pride that beamed from her face was worth every piece of candy she had turned down. She knew she earned it.
As she zipped by me on her brand new scooter, she yelled, “This was totally worth it.”
My daughter earned a scooter and I learned a valuable lesson: Kids are capable of hard things if we allow them to and foster environments where they feel safe to try hard things. As parents we want to rescue them from hurt and disappointment, but as they work through hard things, they gain an inner strength that can only be learned through experience. I almost gave my daughter an “out” in her tough situation. Instead, she stood tall, stuck with her decision and didn’t turn back. She will be better off for doing so.
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Shelley says
Kids CAN do hard things. I needed this reminder. I want to make everything easy for them, but truth is, life is full of hard things. Thanks for this reminder.
Shelley says
PS. I really like that SHE chose this goal up front, not the parent. And you just supported her in her goal. <3
Kara says
I think it’s our nature as mothers and protectors to shield them from hard things. I still want my mom to shield hard things from me!! I’m curious to see if she’ll present the challenge again with a new reward or if one time was enough!
Jessica says
Thank you for writing this! I think this was a great lesson on perseverance. I totally would have given in (as I need a lesson on perseverance) or would have worried what “everyone else” thought of our family’s decision. But your story (and the look on your daughter’s face) proves that it was totally worth it! Thanks for the inspiration!
Kara says
I think we can all use a lesson in perseverance! Did I mention we were literally minutes from caving in?! She was much stronger than we were!
Kathy H. says
What a wonderful Life Anecdote! Your Daughter will remember this forever and you’re right…she EARNED that scooter! I’m so proud of her!
Sarah says
Love this post! I’m a new mama and I just love reading everything I can get my hands on from other mama’s to help me out. While I’m a long way from my baby boy being your daughters age, this post has strengthened my resolve with sleep training my baby (to fall asleep on his own, not nursing). Thanks for posting this!
Missy says
I love that she will have this to remember when something hard comes her way. What a great lesson. Thanks for sharing this!